Proud

What's the word up there above in the title? Proud? I'm pretty confident that word does not make its way into my vocabulary all too often - probably far less frequently than it should. It's interesting (I started to say funny here.. but it's not really funny), I was on my group run last night chatting with some people that I was running with and I was talking about just how hard that I am on myself. I beat myself up really bad when I need to walk on a run, or when I feel like my pace is REALLY slow.. like slower than what is my acceptable "fast" pace, which is still a 12-12:30 minute mile. Somebody will say to me "You ran a half marathon"... and I will say back to them "But I walked so much of it, so much more than I wanted to walk". 

Why does there always need to be a but? Why can't I just be PROUD of my runs? It's okay to want more - to want to improve pace and distance - but it is not okay to diminish your accomplishments because they didn't turn out exactly how you had hoped. The funny thing about this is that, I know this. Had any of my friends ever come to me and said "Oh I only run a 13 minute mile, or yeah, I did a half marathon, but I had to walk so much of it that I didn't really 'run' it", I would tell them just how crazy they are for thinking that. I would tell them that they are awesome. That they have accomplished so much. So many people don't even run, period, never mind train for a half marathon. Why is this so easy to say to somebody else, but so hard for me to accept?

Anyways, I started really thinking about this last night on my run. Last night, we did 6 miles with the half marathon training group and you know what? For the first time in awhile, I was PROUD of my run. The funny thing about this, is that it was my slowest pace in awhile. Here are my splits: 

1- 12'56"

2- 14'42"

3- 14'25"

4- 14'22"

5- 13'51"

6- 13'40"

But I was proud because I had to work HARD for this run. I have a tendency to allow my mind to convince my body that I "can't" do something when the going gets tough. This is especially true when it comes to hills - I cannot tell you how many hills that I have walked over the past couple of years. Anyways, so the first couple miles of this route was VERY hilly. My shins were killing me - almost felt as if they were on fire and I was just not feeling it. My breathing was really bad too. But, I kept going. I have always heard the running mantra that you quit when you are done, not when you are tired, and I really wanted to emulate that. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, concentrating on not giving up. A couple of miles in, we turned off the very hilly road and I turned a corner mentally. I felt great. I did feel like I was going faster than I actually was - but oh well, my body felt great. The rest of the course had some rolling hills and I found myself really enjoying them. I actually feel ready for my 8 mile run tomorrow. 

Tomorrow's run is going to be the first 6 miles of the half marathon course - and then 2 miles off course to head back. I won't be running with the group because I have an Alzheimer's walk with my mom, Mike and Eva. So I'll be heading out at 7 am tomorrow to conquer 8 miles. The first 4 miles of the course can be pretty hilly, so I really want to stay focused and not walk on those hills!